Ah, white Christmas - a time for joy, laughter, and the inevitable barrage of questions from family members as you try to get the food in your mouth. How to reply properly, without boring or overwhelming those who crave answers? If you're worried about surviving a family dinner with endless questions and feel the pressure of being in the spotlight, you've come to the right place. Here's a quick guide on how to survive a holiday feast (based on my experience).

Facing the unavoidable
Be prepared. Relatives are often proud, curious, and perplexed to have a scientist in the family. And they won't waste an opportunity like this to bombard you with question after question. After the classical "Have you got a partner yet?", science starts.

So what exactly do you do?
The easiest answer is to give the title of your thesis or your research line. Don't do that. No one is going to understand that technical jargon. Instead, try to explain it in simple terms, like "I study how stars explode and create the elements that make up everything, including you, me, and Aunt Angela's turkey". At this point, if the others have yet to get up and leave, the conversation will flow on its own by answering their questions, as they want to know more about your field. Remember to keep it simple but engaging, grandma and little cousin also want to learn.

Cool, but do aliens exist?
It may be a joke question, but I like to flip it around and start a discussion. It's a great chance to explain how big the universe is and to think about the probability of not being alone in the cosmos. Isn't it great to turn a joke into a philosophical reflection that leaves everyone's jaws dropping?

Can you fix my phone?
No. But have you tried turning it off and on again?

Controversial questions
At some point, polemic questions may arise. Whether it is about global warming, nuclear power, or other hot-button topics, expect lively debates. These discussions can be tricky, especially when you’re surrounded by relatives with strong opinions. But don’t panic! This is your chance to steer the conversation in a productive direction. This is how I deal with this:

Stay calm and respectful
I know it's as easy to say as to get caught up in the heat of the moment. Responding calmly will reduce the chances of the dinner ending with a pile of broken dishes and barricade-like tables. Remember, the goal is not to “win” the argument but to share knowledge so that others can form their own opinion.

Be prepared for misinformation
Unfortunately, it’s not uncommon to encounter relatives who believe in conspiracy theories. In my case, it’s the “there’s no such thing as climate change” brother-in-law. Then, you can refer to the overall scientific agreement and explain how it is measured, citing data or events to which it can be related, such as extreme weather patterns.

Know when to give up
Sometimes people do not listen to any arguments other than their own and the debate may get too heated. If you feel that the conversation is starting to get into a loop, it’s perfectly fine to step away or change the subject. Don’t be afraid to say “I don't think we'll ever be able to agree”. Guess we'll talk about football now.

Embrace the science lover
There's always that one cousin or niece who is genuinely interested in scientific news. If you don't like being in the limelight, retreat to a corner and enjoy solo conversations and discussions with them. Share your knowledge and passion and, who knows, you may end up inspiring a future scientist!

The Escape Plan
If you feel overwhelmed or have been talking about work too much, it may be time to slip away. You can start with a quick trip to the restroom and stop in the kitchen on your way back. I like to help with food or refill dishes and drinks to disconnect and make some time. If you are fed up with science, bring some gossip back to the table. They love it!

Conclusion
Sometimes, questions don’t make sense or don’t relate at all to what we do. Don’t be afraid to say “I don’t know”. At the end of the day, we are human. Ordinary people. We are much more than our job and, while I’m very proud of what I’ve achieved professionally, I don’t want to be defined by just that. I have a lot more to offer in other aspects!

After all, surviving a holiday dinner is all about balancing the scientific with the social, the complex with the simple. If you think about it, it is the same kind of balance we carry out in our daily lives as researchers, so we have been training for this for years!

My final thought is that, in some way, family is just like our universe: varied, full of stars, each one shining in its own way. Even when we find ourselves surrounded by darkness, they are all a source of light and warmth during these cold holidays. Merry Christmas and happy holidays!

If you are reading this post then you might be working in a foreign laboratory, or perhaps you are in your own country but have problems finding your place among your new international colleagues, or maybe you just find this topic interesting.  In any case, you are welcome to this space where I will try to shed some light on this topic by sharing my experiences on different occasions of working with people from around the world! Nowadays, science has benefited from new communication technologies, which allow faster and farther connections, and it is more common to be part of international collaborations of any size. Also, it is easier to travel around the world for research stays with your collaborators, thanks to initiatives like IReNA, that promote exchange of knowledge and skills. Without any distinction, theoreticians and experimental scientists/students could find themselves moving to new countries for their jobs. It could be for a short time, due to a workshop or conference, or for longer due to a postdoc or a permanent position at a laboratory/university. Unavoidably, during these trips, academics will interact with people from different backgrounds who are also at different stages of their careers. In that case, wouldn’t it be a great idea to take the initiative to understand the kind of issues that might arise during these interactions and how to mitigate them in order to create a healthy work environment for everyone?

Thanks to my trajectory, I have been fortunate to team up with people from Latin America, Europe, and the US at different times while visiting other countries like Romania, Spain, France, Italy, and Colombia. Sometimes you will be lucky to be in a very similar culture to the one you are from, but more often than not you will end up in a completely different society. You could still feel quite lost with even slight differences from what you are used to. In my opinion, two of the main problems that arise when working with people from different backgrounds are miscommunication problems and cultural shocks. The latter, according to C. Ward (1998), is described as an occupational disease and it is related to fear, anxiety, anger, and feelings of helplessness by people who suddenly find themselves living abroad [1]. Both phenomena, I think, have the same origin: the other person's reaction or interpretation of what we have said/done does not match our expectations or intentions.  

On one hand, it is easy to misunderstand other people even in our native language; let alone when two people from different states or even countries try to communicate with each other. This miscommunication could be due to the different accents, different usages of some words, and different ways of expressing themselves. As an example, there have been many times when talking with a foreign teammate, where at the end of the conversation we realized we were talking about completely different topics. In my experience, the best way to resolve such misunderstandings is to go all the way back to the beginning of the conversation and repeat, using more simple words, what you want to express. In that way, you can track your way in the conversation to the point where both of you agree on the meaning and move forward to the part that created the disconnect. As a result, you will build, little by little, a common context that will help avoid future misunderstandings. 

Cultural shocks are commonly encountered when visiting or living in a different country, even if their cultural differences are minimal. During my first trip to Spain, despite Spanish being my native language, I was somehow confused by the usage of the language there. While in Spain they are used to direct speech, which at first seemed rude to me, in Mexico we are not so straightforward. It took me a while to distinguish between when a person was really angry from their usual mood while socializing. I guess that it is hard to realize that the things that we take for granted in our homes are not commonly found in other places. 

Cultural adaptation may have different stages, which vary according to the demographic of the one experiencing it. Let me give you an example: you may have heard about the U-curve of cultural adjustment that says the adaptation process is composed of 4 phases: the honeymoon, the culture shock, the recovery, and the adjustment [2]. But, according to a study by C. Dailey-Strand (2021) [3], the process is more like a J-curve for foreign students, who do not experience the honeymoon stage, but rather face the cultural challenges first (see Figure 1). However, early social activities seeking integration into the host culture at the beginning of the stay are quite helpful in overcoming this first stage. So, if your team has gained a new member, a little guidance and understanding could make a huge difference in their experience. In case you are the new member, you should avoid isolation and try to look for social events where you can meet other international students at first. Furthermore, do not be afraid to try new activities or get deeper into the host society which will help you to know more people. The good news for you is that, after each time, it becomes a little bit easier to integrate into a new culture.

To summarize, you will face multiple challenges within your multicultural team mainly related to miscommunication and lack of a sense of belonging. While facing communication misunderstandings, a good way to resolve this problem is to create a common context within the team. As your time working as a group increases, your context will grow, and miscommunication will decrease over time. While dealing with cultural shocks can be difficult, you will benefit from being open-minded and trying new things. And although it is difficult to preserve your cultural identity in a new place, it should not stop you from trying new things and adopting local traditions from people you meet in your new life. This will enrich your point of view and expand your horizons.

I hope reading about these brief experiences will help you when working abroad or when a new member joins your work team! If you have experiences of your own where you have faced similar problems, and you want to share them, I would like to hear from you.


​References
[1] C. Ward, Y. Okura, A. Kennedy, and T. Kojima, Int. J. Intercultural Rel. 22 No 3, pages 277-291 (1998). https://doi.org/10.1016/S0147-1767(98)00008-X 
[2] B. Alamri, ELT 11 No 12 (2018). https://doi.org/10.5539/elt.v11n12p77
[3] C. Dailey-Strand, H. Collins, and D. Callaghan, JCIHE 13 Issue 4, pages 73-84 (2021). http://www.doi.org/10.32674/jcihe.v13i4.3267  

Many scientists desire to have children but fear that this will hamper achieving their personal career goals. As in my experience it can be quite the opposite, I decided to share some thoughts about having children as a scientist, and how to manage and enjoy it.

"Macroscopic" management
The big decisions, let’s call them macroscopic, are mainly related to how we, as parents, will manage the general structure of our and our children’s lives. Sometimes one parent will decide to be the main carer and take a relatively long break from work (in my case, this was my husband); other times either or both parents will wish to take shorter leaves and keep working. In any case, I think that the best way to manage a family is to share responsibility equally as much as possible. For example, a primary carer needs to be able to, with the help of the other parent, take a decent amount of time off in the evenings and weekends to pursue their own interests. If both parents return to work, a good option, if allowed, is for both to obtain a part-time (e.g., 4 days/week) work contract, then they could each cover one weekday looking after the children. The other, e.g., 3 days will need extra resources, a relative, a creche (daycare center), a babysitter, or a mix of these. While the family budget needs to be carefully evaluated to find the best possible scenarios, I would not worry about a baby having different places and people to relate to, even when very young. Children are very resilient and different relationships are enriching, if the parents do not stress too much about them and also spend time with their children. 

"Microscopic" management
Parents also have to deal with a huge amount of what I’ll call microscopic caring, from getting kids ready for school in the morning to bedtime routines in the evening, the occasional illnesses, etc. In my opinion and experience, also these constant chores are better structured to be shared as equally as possible between the parents and, crucially, independently. This means that when it is one parent’s turn, for example, to get the kids ready for school, the other parent does not interfere. This way everyone can perform the chores in their own way, with no judgement and hopefully with trust, and avoid wasting time discussing details, or doing and undoing the same task. In my family, we learned this right from the start: with our first baby, we both got up at night to feed and change the baby. The result was we were both exhausted all the time. Soon, we moved to a better structure: I got up all night whatever happened, but from about 6am onwards my husband dealt with almost everything. This way we could both get some decent hours of sleep because it is easier for me to get back to sleep at night, but I hate getting up early in the morning, while for my husband it is the opposite. This is just an example, and clearly every situation and every family are different. The real challenge is to find creative solutions that work well and change them if needed. In the end, we raised 4 kids, with my career interrupted for four separate leaves over 12 years: 3 months paid leave for the birth of the first child in the UK, 6 months in-between jobs for the birth of the second child in Italy (we saved for that and spent time with family); 3 months paid leave for the birth of the twins in Australia; and then 6 months in-between jobs to travel (camping!) around Australia with the family, before moving back to Europe. A few years later also my husband went back to work, after spending about 15 years as the primary carer.

Full enjoyment
Even if working full time, I was there with the children as much as I could, which forced me to become very efficient at work. One may fear that using any spare moment, including every evening and every weekend, to be with the children may not allow enough time and energy for work, and therefore hamper career prospects. However, I found this to actually be quite the opposite. In fact, the good news is that parenting is not only enjoyable but can be good for the brain! This happens when parents pay full attention to their children and are fully present with them, rather than having their minds elsewhere, for example, on work. To be fully present allows the brain to completely rest, which, in turn, promotes creativity and prevents burnout. Newton formulated gravity under a tree, “It was occasion’d by the fall of an apple, as he sat in contemplative mood” and who has not experienced the best ideas and solutions popping up in the mind while not thinking about them, or after a rest? Overall, such attitudes can help to reduce worries about the impact of parenting on work and promote less anxiety and more enjoyment both at work and at home.  

Scientists come from all backgrounds. Scientists are diverse, and much effort has been made in recent years to dispel the myth that science is done exclusively by old white men in old white lab coats. I believe there may be one stereotype with a grain of truth, however:

Every scientist, deep down, is a nerd.

How do we know this? Well, take the SLURM Workload manager for example - anyone involved in high performance computing will be familiar with this. You're probably also aware that it's a direct reference to the Slurm soda from Futurama [1] - one of the finest comedies ever written. The scientific literature, in all disciplines, is littered with references to comic books, the Lord of the Rings, the X-Files and more [2]. We're nerds, and we want people to know it.

I think that is to be celebrated. There's a certain mindset that you have to have to do science. Precision and focus to ensure that the results you show and the experiments you do are robust. Attention to detail. A considered approach to problem solving. I suspect that's the same reason that so many of my friends and colleagues in astronomy, and STEM more generally, enjoy board games, pub quizzes, and role-playing games.

And Magic. ​

Physicists love Magic. 

Some physicists love Magic so much they reference it in their plenary talk titles [3]. My head of department once said to me that Magic: the Gathering is a game for lawyers - with rules so complex they fill a 300 page document. But I think a game like that is not just for lawyers, it's for us nerds too, and it's a great way to get to know people and to throw off the stresses of a researcher's life, for an evening at least.

'I had Zenegos out, stole a scute swarm and made 3 land drops'
'Oh nice, so obviously you stomped them?'
'No, one of the other guys had a Phyrexian Rebirth and populated the token. We all got murdered by 39/39 horrors.’

This is a mildly paraphrased conversation I recently had with my head of department, where he told me of the ups and downs of our university's board games evening. He and I, along with a few other colleagues, have a nearly-weekly Commander night - nearly because the stresses and strains of academic life do mean we miss around as many as we hold. But for a few hours a week (most weeks), we have the opportunity to relax, discuss work if we want to, and mostly just have a fun time with a pile of expensive cardboard. It turns out that the kind of exacting mind that enjoys designing code, analysing data and synthesising literature also enjoys playing one of the few games in the world that can claim to be Turing complete [4] - you can build a computer with a Magic deck, although it may take some time to run a simulation on it. 

While I personally feel some measure of an ethical quandary consuming product from Wizards of the Coast presently - with swingeing layoffs [5] and $1000 proxies [6] - it is undeniable that the game is incredible. I have introduced it to colleagues, all of whom have loved it. I have played it with astrophysicists from across Europe. It is almost universal in its appeal - and it is because we are all nerds. We enjoy creative endeavours, - science is a creative process - and designing a deck from the ground up can be as creative and personal as any other hobby. We also enjoy taking the time to get to know each other, to discuss our problems at work or with our research and to solve puzzles together - be that in a game of Magic or any other boardgame. It is the intersection of intellectual stimulation, and mindless fun, that I think appeals so much to the nerd in me.

Team building is a vital part of academic life. We spend so much time with our colleagues, and long hours are the norm for many of us. As a community, we probably need to address that at some point - burnout is a real concern for many. But while the long hours stay, and hopefully after they are gone, we need ways to socialise and communicate with the people who we spend a large part of our lives with. Magic is just one of many ways to do this - and it's an incredibly fun way that appeals to a scientific mind. If you haven't yet, ask around your department and see if there are board game nights, or a Dungeons and Dragons campaign, and if there aren't why not propose one? We're all nerds; let's embrace it.


References
[1] Jette, M.; Grondona, M. (June 2003). "SLURM: Simple Linux Utility for Resource Management" (PDF). Proceedings of ClusterWorld Conference and Expo. San Jose, California.
[2] Chandrasekaran, Arun Richard. "Pop-culture references in peer-reviewed scientific articles." Matter 4.3 (2021): 759-760.
[3] https://indico.ihep.ac.cn/event/11934/contributions/14661/ 
[4] Yin, Howe Choong, and Alex Churchill. "A Programming Language Embedded in Magic: The Gathering." 12th International Conference on Fun with Algorithms (FUN 2024). Schloss Dagstuhl–Leibniz-Zentrum für Informatik, 2024.
[5] "Hasbro's 1,100 layoffs have hit D&D and Magic: The Gathering hard, as a growing list of staff announce their departures"
[6] "Magic’s $1000 30th Anniversary set evoked nostalgia, but for whom?"